is it feelings?or is is not?

i am not sure about myself now.i am really confused.
what do i want now?what is bothering me?
why do i feel this way?hasn't it disappeared long time ago?
why is this happening to me?what on earth is taking place exactly?

oh god.take away every bit that is making me feel this way.just take away my feelings so i would be numb and would not feel anything.cox i am just so darn confused.i really do not know what to do.part of me is telling me to ignore but part of me is saying "please,god-dammit just be a man can."

is it grudges/hatred/unforgiveness that is holding me back?or is it that unknowingly my heart is longing for a glimmer of hope?

damn.god please make it clear to me.i seriously don't want any of these.fish it.

feeling so damn suck.or in truth i think i just suck.whatever.

wondering what if it din't went away.and i thought that it did but in fact it din't.
what if that is true, am i going to be like how i am now?
am i going to do something different.
what if...