cold "blonde" jokes *if u are real bored~*

-Smart Married Blonde-(smart==)
There was a married blonde who was very concerned about her stupidity to her husband, so she decides to make it up to him by painting the house while he’s at work.

When her husband came home, the house was suspiciously green and smelled like paint, so he went to her wife to see what’s going on. When he went in the bedroom, she was still painting while she was wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket.

The husband said, “Darling, so sweet of you! I like what you did to the house, but why are you wearing a ski jacket over a leather jacket?”

The blonde responds, “When I was reading the instructions on the can, it said ‘FOR BEST RESULTS, USE TWO COATS!’”

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-New Sports Car-(another smart one ==)
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it.

Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats.He turns around and sees she’s smiling.
So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car.He looks back to see that she’s laughing. He’s really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires.He turns around and she’s laughing so hard, she’s about to fall down.

He demands, “What’s so funny?”
She says, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle!”

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-Game Of Intelligence-(this is when the blonde is reli smart xoxo)
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.

Then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?” Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00.

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?” Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

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-Blonde Contest-
A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions.

On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, “What is 59 + 2?”
The first blonde contestant responded by saying, “57?”
The rest of the blondes said, “Give her another chance, give her another chance!”

Then they asked, “What is 15 - 5?”
The blonde responded, “20, right?”
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, “Give her another chance, give her another chance!”

The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, “What is 1 + 2?”
“3?” said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes said, “Give her another chance, give her another chance!”

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-Ice Fishing- (LOLS!!!)
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish in there”.

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
“How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”

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-Blonde Patient In Pain- (nice one)
A girl says to her doctor, "You have to help me. I hurt all over."
She touches her right knee with her index finger and says, "Ow! That hurts."
She touches her left cheek with her index finger and says, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
She touches her right earlobe with her index finger and says, "Ow! Even that hurts."
The doctor says, "Are you a natural blonde?"
She replied, "Yes."
The doctor says, "You have a sprained finger."

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-Nude Painting-
Wanting a portrait with which to surprise his wife, a businessman asked a blonde female painter he’d been recommended to paint him in the nude.
"No," the talented blonde artist said. "I don”t do that sort of thing."
"But what if I double your fee?" he pleaded.
"Nope, sorry. Won’t do it."
"How about I give you five times what you normally get?”
"Oh, okay then," said the artist, "but I’m keeping my socks on. I need a place to put my brushes."

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-Exposed Breast- (ok this is real funny.hahax)
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks,

"Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I must have left my baby on the bus!"

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-No Exit- (oOo oOo)
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.

"You can’t get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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-Blonde On Blonde- (double blonde...this is cute~)
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It’s square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop."

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-51 Days- (gosh this is cold==)
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What’s all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"